Twists and Turns

Life really has been a labyrinth walk this past week. JD is drinking again (and hiding it-- or so he thinks) which resulted in a huge argument-- I think we both said things we didn't really mean-- or did we? I must say, I am ambivalent sometimes about keeping this marriage together. Sometimes it seems it would be best to call it quits; other times I recall taking vows 'for better or for worse'- and wonder how bad 'worse' has to get?

All this makes staying on program difficult, but I must break my habit of turning to food when stressed. One cookie is too many, and a dozen are not enough!

On the plus side, friends are beginning to notice the weight loss, and that's really gratifying. I can see small changes- I have more room in most of my clothes, my watch is not so tight, etc. It will take another 10 lbs or so before it is really evident, I think.

I have a business trip coming up right after Thanksgiving, and will need some clothes, but will wait until the week before to buy anything-- and hope that I can find something!

Another turn on the labyrinth path

This is week 6, and my weight loss now totals 25 pounds! I had hoped for a bit more by now, but given that I cannot exercise much yet, am happy for this mini-goal!

It is helpful for me to keep the labyrinth image in mind as I continue this journey. Just as I know that staying on the path on the labyrinth will always lead me to the center, even if it turns away from the center at times, I know that staying on the program path will lead me to my goal, even if I cannot see that goal all the time.

Slowly walking the path

This is week 4, another 3 pound weight loss! I'm calling this post 'slowly walking' because that is literally what I'm doing. Just as soon as I got my left knee rehabbed, I developed plantar fasciitis in my right foot! Getting out of bed in the morning is pure torture- then it gets better, then it gets worse again. Sigh-- going to physical therapy now twice a week, getting custom made orthotics and a splint to wear at night. There goes my walking program!
Perhaps this is the push I need to to joing the Y or a gym, and start working with a trainer. No reason I couldn't do strength training or an exercise bike until the heel gets better.

Today is my birthday- no celebrating going on here! No special dinner (well, a soft cooked egg instead of a diet shake!). I've been on this path before, and managed to have a huge 50th celebration while maintaining my liquid diet. Food will still be around next year. Of course, it's easier to do without the food when there are other celebratory things going on, but that doesn't seem to be the case this year. Seems the special day has been forgotten by nearly everyone but me.

Making Progress

After a disappointing week where I actually GAINED a pound, I am back on track, and was rewarded for my efforts with a 3.4 pound weight loss this week. I am using very lean protein in addition to my liquid shakes (like roast chicken or hard cooked eggs). That seems to satisfy my need for something 'savory' rather than the all-sweet flavors of the meal replacement formula.

I'm feeling frustrated with not being able to exercise much. After finally getting my knee back in shape, it seems I now have plantar fasciitis, and walking is very painful. Because the recovery for this can be long and slow, I will need to come up with another exercise option, so it looks like joining a gym is in order, so I can use exercise bikes and other equipment. I had hoped to put off joining a gym or the Y until I had more weight off, but it seems the universe has another plan.

So far, I am down nearly 14 pounds since beginning the program. I can see small differences already- my watchband is not as tight as it was three weeks ago, and my ankles are not as swollen. My pants fit a bit better (they were pretty snug to start with). I know that more changes are coming!

First clinic visit and weigh in

Today was the first weigh in since starting the program. I am down 11.9 pounds since the 6th. I know a lot of it is water weight, but still was very gratifying to see the numbers change so rapidly!

I did fairly well this first week, even with the temptations of all the food at the hospital all week. I didn't get much exercise, other than walking from end of the ER to the other all day!

Not being able to carry any liquids past the security point at the airport is making it tougher- as you cannot always plan for delayed flights, etc. I drank an extra Optifast before clearing security, and then my flight was delayed nearly an hour-- so I really should have waited a bit longer before having that serving, so it would have sustained me longer. As it was, I was really, really hungry by the time I landed and retrieved my baggage. Good thing I had some Opti right on top-- and it was fairly cold!

Traveling

I'm nearly done with my first business trip after starting Optifast. I managed to get through the week without breaking program too much ( a couple of bites of lasagna-- couldn't resist). The conference room where we are spending most of our time was filled with food nearly every day-- pizza, lasagna and fettucine, and then I bought ice cream yesterday for the staff! It helps that so many people here are aware that I am on the program, so I can't very well start to eat!

My hotel room has a small fridge, which I stocked the first day with diet coke, and bottled water, plus all my little cartons of Optifast formula.

Tomorrow is weigh in day-- and my first clinic appointment since starting last Thursday. I'm hoping my few 'cheats' will still allow me a respectable showing on the scales.

Day 5

Well, I've made it to day 5 with only one or slips-- had a few bits of meat, and some grapes yesterday. I flew to Columbus OH this morning for a four day business trip. All my optifast was packed in the suitcase(no liquids allowed on board!), but I put a packet of vanilla powder in my purse, along with a battery operated blender wand, in case I got hungry before landing- or in the event of delays.

I drank an exrra Opti right before clearing security, and didn't need to mix one on the plane. I was ready for one as soon as I got my luggage though! I packed a couple of cold ones in a small insulated lunch cooler, and placed it right on top in my suitcase for easy access.

My hotel room has a small fridge, which I've stocked already with bottled water and diet Coke. I'll be at the customer site (a hospital) from 10 am to 7 each day, so won't be tempted to go out to eat-- good thing, because the options available here are dismal!

I feel great- no hunger, and seem to have my usual amount of energy. I'll check in with the clinic on Saturday- my first weigh in since beginning, and to review my lab results.

Continuing on

Today is day two: no hunger, but haveing thoughts of food. I'm trying to stay busy, and keep strong mint flavored gum on hand. Getting all the required water in is a challenge-- I need to find a bathroom every hour it seems! I do know that my body will become accustomed to the extra fluid, and that will lessen the trips to bathroom.

I will need to do some cooking this weekend, to prepare meals for my husband (a non-cook). One piece of advice I got from the dietician is to try to do cooking in batches, to minimize the exposure. I'll be out of town almost all of next week, so won't be doing any cooking then!

Came home to a husband in kind of a pissy mood, and he's deflecting it onto me-- nothing to do in those situations except ride it out I guess.

Starting the Journey

Today marks the first full day of this weight loss program. After a careful review of my personal and family history it is clear that I fall into the 'insulin resistant' group. I have battled weight issues nearly all my life. The time has come to determine what body I will live in for the rest of my life.

I decided to go on the Optifast program. This is a medically supervised very low calorie liquid meal replacement program. Because food carries so many emotional triggers, it seems appropriate to 'take a food vacation' now, and just focus on feeding my body what it needs to live.

I had my entrance physical exam yesterday and was astounded to learn that my blood pressure was a whopping 170/94! YIKES. I also met with the behavioral therapist, and the dietician. I will be on at least 5 servings of Optifast a day, and lots of water.
I'm hoping that keeping this blog will help keep me honest, and share the journey with others who may be on a journey, too.

Beginning stats: 5'4", 306 lbs.

I've had little hunger today-- only time I really felt hungry was when I realized I had gone longer than 4 hrs without an Opti. I like the chocolate ready to drink-- comes in little 'juice boxes' with a straw!. For breakfast, I'm mixing the vanilla powder with my coffee and little Splenda-- tastes like a vanilla latte.